The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

I got up and watched CBS Sunday Morning. They showed us a couple who got married in 1933. I also saw segments on Dan Savage and Masters and Johnson. Why were they showing us all this stuff on the day after Valentine’s Day? My mother phoned me and said she was having a difficult time walking around. She doesn’t have the energy to go shopping. I went out to Trader Joe’s to buy some groceries because all I had in the refrigerator was ice. I took the bus out to Jack London Square. There were a lot of people lined up to see “The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water.” The 3-D showing was at 2:10, so I bought my ticket and walked off to get something to eat. I decided on Burger King, where I hadn’t eaten in years. I discovered that their bacon cheeseburger was terrible, but I had a place to sit down and read another chapter of “Gone with the Wind.” I browsed through the Goodwill store nearby and saw a couple of A’s shirts, but I wasn’t inspired to buy them. I went back to the theatre and stood in line to get in after some employees did some cleaning up. A lot of kids in the theatre were enthusiastic about SpongeBob, which was something I could not understand. The plot of the movie involved the theft of the formula for Krabby Patties. I heard fart jokes and a couple of things that went over the heads of the kids in the audience. I guess SpongeBob is like the new version of Rocky and Bullwinkle. His adventures are very strange. The kids found him hilarious. I think the only two people in the credits I recognized were Antonio Banderas and Tim Conway. I thought some of the action towards the end were kind of interesting and fun, when the characters go out into the 3-D world in interact with human beings like in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.” The rampage out onto that Savannah beach was like something out of “Finding Nemo.” I thought that the use of ice cream was rather funny. I couldn’t help thinking of Debra Winger eating that ice cream in that Wonder Woman episode. The girl next to me sang along to a SpongeBob song like it was the national anthem. The movie wasn’t going to win over any new fans. I couldn’t understand why the kids tolerated this lack of inspiration. I think that television is very insidious in lowering audience expectations and standards. How are these children going to grow out of this taste for mediocrity? It will happen for some of them, and others will stay where they are forever. The Krabby Patties looked about as appetizing as the cheeseburgers I had at Burger King. Everybody in the SpongeBob world has to be insane for eating these burgers. There were 3000 of them at the end. I thought the most interesting setting was Pelican Island. It made me think of Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman stuck on that island at the end of “Papillon.” We see a time machine and a talking dolphin. I assumed these elements were normal for SpongeBob. Sponges become unsanitary very quickly, and you should get rid of them. I guess that kids don’t think about these issues. They’re probably looking forward to the next SpongeBob movie. We did get to see a trailer for a Peanuts movie that was due for release in November. It showed Snoopy battling the Red Baron, which took me back to my childhood. Charlie Brown was a klutz. I didn’t see if Schroeder played Beethoven on his piano. I admired the way he kept practicing. I think that I’d like to see this movie when it comes out. It was 3:50 when I left the theatre and walked out to the bus stop. One of the girls who took a seat near me on the bus was wearing a SpongeBob T-shirt. After I returned home, I listened to Robert Hilburn’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Times program on KCSN. He played tracks from the latest albums by D’Angelo, Sleater-Kinney, and The Decemberists. He was right when he said that The Decemberists were reminiscent of R.E.M. The songs made me think of the “Out of Time” album. The Columbo episode was “Double Shock” with Martin Landau and Julie Newmar. Columbo appeared on a cooking show and was nervous. Julie showed off her legs in one scene. It was too crazy to electrocute someone and try to pass it off as a heart attack on an exercise bicycle. An accidental death has to be exactly that, an accident. I watched “WKRP in Cincinnati.” Mama Carlson said she wanted to change the format of the station to all news. The picture quality was about the same as a VHS tape, which I didn’t understand when we’re watching this on high definition television sets. I didn’t really want to watch “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” or “Mission: Impossible.” I saw Richard Kiel in black and white. A Saturday Night Live anniversary special was on NBC. I saw a forgettable performance of “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” but things picked up when Jerry Seinfeld came on. Michael Douglas, John Goodman, and Larry David were part of the segment. There were too many commercials. Alec Baldwin was barely on before they had another commercial break. Christopher Walken introduced Kanye West, who was lying down. I wondered if this program merited three hours of air time on national television. I must have missed almost all of the good parts. Some of the people who died on February 16 include Roger Bowen (1996), Pat Brown (1996), Howard W. Koch (2001), and Gary Carter (2012). Today is a birthday for John McEnroe (56), LeVar Burton (58), and James Ingram (59). According to the Brandon Brooks Rewind radio segment for February 16, Elvis Presley’s gospel album “How Great Thou Art” was certified gold in 1968. In 1974, Bob Dylan and The Band had the Number One album “Planet Waves.” In 1996, the Adam Sandler movie “Happy Gilmore” was released.

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